Couples Therapy

I believe couples work can be transformative to both the couple and the individual.  So much of the work I do is relational, and I can tell you that working with a good couple’s therapist will not only improve your romantic relationship, it will also reveal and transform a part of yourself that could not have been accessed through individual work alone.

Much of the work I do with couples is based in family or origin roles, attachment, and family systems theory.  We explore the roles each of you played in your families of origin and your first experiences with emotional intimacy, trust, and relationships.  Together we explore how these patterns have manifested in your current relationship and how to better understand and support one another throughout the therapeutic process. 

A wise therapist once told me, “Every couple has the same dance. They may say they had a new fight, but if you look closely, you’ll see they’re using the same moves.”

Some of the things we will do in our couple’s work:

• Develop conflict resolution skills.  Identify the beginning of a “would be fight” and interrupt the pattern. Turn what would have been an argument into a productive conversation or a moment of connection.

• Intimacy building.  Rebuilding emotional and physical intimacy between the two of you. Discover how each of you feel loved and what you need from each other.

• Learn to validate one another.  Discover what makes your partner feel heard, seen, valued, loved, and needed. 

• How to work as a team.  The symbiosis of your relationship when it is at it’s best.  How each of you can make the two of you stronger.

Discernment Counseling

Discernment Counseling is a process that takes place prior to Couple’s Therapy or a decision to end a relationship.  It is a form of counseling that serves what we call a “mixed agenda couple.”  This is best described as a relationship where we have a “leaning in” spouse and a “leaning out spouse.”  That is, one person who is committed to the relationship and another who is not sure of their level of commitment and may even be contemplating ending the relationship.

Some of the goals of Discernment Counseling include:

• Coming to an understanding of “what happened” to the relationship.  Gain a deeper understanding of each person’s contribution to the problems and where things are today.

• Finding clarity and confidence about the direction for the relationship.  Determining what level of commitment each person has and what shared goals they may have.

• To identify and agree upon marital problems, see if they are solvable and if you are both committed to doing so.